Dealing with all of the overwhelming feelings of being the responsible one while not knowing what in the world to expect next has been a catalyst for my healing.  It felt like I had to heal faster, or everything I was avoiding on top of this new uncertainty would swallow me whole.  I was desperate, and when I am desperate I have learned it means I have lost sight of my purpose.  I do it all the time, but God forgives and I keep on trying.  That’s life, isn’t it?  

Except I have learned there is more to healing than my trying and failing.  I often refer to the past that haunts me as a pit, and more and more I have been having the conversation about what it means to plant flowers and build steps up out of that pit.  Once we have reached the point that we are aware enough to understand how only seeing our own perspective might be hurtful to someone else, we are ready to take the next step of helping others do the same.  We are given different gifts that will make this part of the journey unique to each of us.  One of the ways I express my thoughts is writing, so I have my blog. But I also mentor women who share a similar background or similar diagnoses as me. A few of these women have become incredibly close friends.  It’s within this part of the healing process you build your tribe.

One of the women I have grown closer to over the years is Stacey.  We are very similar people, with similar thought patterns and ideas. Just being around her makes me a better person. I am more motivated, more creative, and just all around more productive.  Discipline has been my word this year, and Stacey has truly helped me cultivate that.

It was only natural for me to worry about her, alone in town with her kids, trying to ride out this weird, anxiety-ridden, and unpredictable predicament we were in.  Here I was trying to calm myself with my purpose and focus on my God-led task of serving others, and my friend was doing it all alone.  I saw her struggle, and so did Matt. He also saw my struggle. So, it took a couple days, but we convinced Stacey to pack up her bags, kids, and pets to come stay at our house.  I was ecstatic.  I not only had someone to help distract me and process my thoughts throughout the day, but I also had my best friend here to help with the kids, their emotions, and the daily tasks as well!  Stacey has been on her road to healing from her past for a while now, and had recently been stuck in the same rut.  She would feel better and manage, but it was fleeting and a continuous emotional up and down. In our house, mental health is huge.  My kids definitely aren’t experts, but they are educated on how to communicate properly whether they show it all the time or not.  We have conversations about our feelings and why.  If you are feeling angry, hurt, sad, or any other overwhelmingly bad emotion….we sit down and talk until we can work out the issue and create a plan.  Most people aren’t used to being so open with their rash emotions.  So, I knew that Stacey and her kids would be in for a surprise at how we did things.  Little did I know how effective and eye-opening it would be for my friend in such a short amount of time.  That being said, I definitely wasn’t prepared for how their visit would change me.

We weren’t sure where this crazy, unorthodox road would lead us, but we were determined to make the most of it and create as normal of a routine as possible. Looking back now, I think we may have been a bit insane.  But it worked out.  It brought forth healing for not just me, but for everyone else as well.