Humans, in general,  have a major inability to communicate efficiently. When Eve first betrayed God, she lost that innate connection with Him. I believe it was then she lost her ability to see outside her own perspective, and listening to understand was one of the first things to transform. The cycle of trauma continues for two reasons:  1. a person is overtaken by evil and enjoys the pain of others.  Or 2. ineffective communication.  That’s it.  We don't always know how to properly communicate our feelings to another person, and they don't always know how to listen to understand. If we could do these two things well then all would be well in the world.  

That’s definitely not the case. 

Our own stories, our own little worlds that we live in automatically create our own biases.  We develop our own “truths” that we have a hard time seeing around. This is especially true if we have never had to question our perspective before.  It's even worse if it's our own perspective that someone is questioning.  It’s new, or it’s painful. Either way, it’s a belief that is so deeply ingrained in us we don’t even realize it’s there.  We just react and justify the reactions with our feelings.

I understand this serious human flaw on many levels... as a survivor of abuse, a person who has been abusive because she can’t see outside her own perspective, a Christian, and a worker in the mental health field, I feel I have been called to help others understand these things, heal, and grow.  But helping others means also helping me. Even with my awareness about the importance of effective communication some days I struggle with it.  And it's a struggle because I too am human. I'm a survivor of multiple traumas. And sometimes it’s hard not to take some misunderstanding viewpoints personally.  I am working on me, though, and part of that process is helping others do the same.  

I made a post on social media yesterday that came off as controversial.  A huge issue in communication these days is the media.  You can hardly trust any news source to be unbiased anymore.  People can just tune into what they want to hear and find a media that supports that opinion. Whole stories are rarely told, fact and opinion are muddled, and one side is right. The wanting to hear our own perspectives back remains, and media knows how to market to those biases. My post was trying to point this out.  

Matt and I just happened to be watching the news when we watched a semi-truck seemingly barrel into a highway that was full of protesters. This truck just kept driving very fast down the highway, straight toward the people.  It was scary.  If you watch the full footage you wonder if he is going to stop before he hits someone.  You can plainly see when he second-guesses his decision to plow over his fellow humans, and slams on his brakes. It was terrifying to watch.   

Yesterday, I saw the end of this video keep showing up on my timeline.  It was the part where the truck driver slows down and the angry protesters are jumping on his truck.  They pull him out and proceed to beat the man. I immediately knew the video had more to show than what these people were seeing, so I shared that there was more to the video, and posted a link with a different perspective. I shared a post with both videos and how the media can take one story, one video, and use it in many ways to manipulate your thinking.   Like I said before, it’s hard to find videos of live events after the fact that isn’t unbiased, and the biases were making my point anyway, so I was not picky about the links I chose. Liberal media shows the truck almost plowing into the people and not the ending where the protesters attack the man. Conservative media shows only the protesters pulling the driver out and beating him for no reason.  Both are awful, but there's no way we can know the entire story. 

This was my point, but it was not taken that way.  I am sure part of it was the emotion I had while writing it and the fact that written word is not always read in the right inflections. I also know by the reactions I received some people couldn't make it outside their own perspectives. Some of the commenters heard my point and responded with sadness and hopes for a better way to communicate. I started good conversations that I would have liked to continue with others.  Most people, though, only saw and heard the debate of beliefs and politics, and I deleted the post before it blew up. 

People are scared.  They are reacting.

How do we fix our communication issues in this country before it’s too late?  

It has been hard for me recently to reign in my reactions like I have learned to do. My stress and anxiety are causing those pathways I thought I had destroyed to reappear in small forms. I've talked to others who are feeling the same. The stress of all of this chaos and uncertainty is crippling to our collective mental health.  Idk how to start these conversations without the risk of people not hearing me, either because of my own stress and tunnel vision or theirs... but I am still going to try. 

I am going to promise myself I will be more aware of my own feelings. I have asked God to help me to not react out of fear or any other emotion, but for His purpose. I have prayed for humility, instead of righteousness and grace instead of anger. I want to be like Jesus. I have prayed the same for you. Even if we do not agree, can we try to see the other's point of view? Listen to understand? Yes, emotions are high, but we are not each others' enemies. We are ALL children of God. None of us deserved to be drug out of a truck and beaten. None of us deserve to be threatened with death over someone's inconvenience. None of us deserve to be discriminated against, let alone die at the hands of people who are supposed to protect us.

 Are there going to be those who tempt you, who say all the things to get your blood boiling or your heart breaking? Yes! (& On both sides of the argument.) There always has been and always will be. We shouldn’t let that stop us from loving like Jesus, no matter who or for what reason. Let's leave the 99 to help the 1, while still loving the full 100 the same. Let's be willing to risk our inconvenience and discomfort, and especially the status quo, for the greater good.  To show grace, mercy, and the love of our Savior to others in every situation.  I have been too arrogant. I have been too quiet. I have been too hurt by the pains of others being thrown at me. I have been too worried about those who will disagree. I will cling to the Vine and pray for the fruit of the Spirit. 

Love. 

Joy. 

Peace. 

Patience. 

Kindness. 

Goodness. 

Faithfulness. 

Gentleness. 

& Self-Control.  

Maybe then we will begin to see a change in those around us, including ourselves.

"(We) can do all things through Christ who strengthens (us)." Phil 14:7 

I believe that counts for way more than a sports teams' ability to score. ❤️

Peace and God Bless,