Stuck Underneath: Behind The Art
Sometimes you have those dreams…the kind that stick with you. Not just for a little bit of that next day. No…dreams that stay with you for a lifetime.
I had one of those dreams, many years ago. One that I remember and draw inspiration from to this day.
I have those types of dreams every once in a while…the kind that wakes me in a cold sweat, or with my brain spinning. They’re not always nightmares— though sometimes they are. Sometimes, what makes those dreams so potent, so sticking, isn’t the fear they channel. It’s the revelations they reveal.
I consider myself an artistic mind. I think of things in visual ways. Sometimes it can be hard to translate an idea into something more concrete. Words are helpful. They name the feeling or thought. Give it some relevance that we can hold on to. But words can fail us too. Words can’t always convey the meaning well. But give me a picture… how many words is that worth?
And that night I saw a picture….
In my dream I was working a double, waiting tables —- my main source of income at this point of my life. It was a crazy day… one of those where you can’t get things out to the tables fast enough. There was always someone needing something. People were waiting on you. Getting mad. I was feeling overwhelmed and stressed.
And I finally had a moment to step outside.
Broke Down Places
I step outside into my town, but it didn’t look like the town I knew. Several buildings were boarded up. Broken down. There was an air of neglect over the entire community. As I noticed my surroundings, a woman pulled up beside me.
Wore Out Faces
As she stepped out, I saw she was very tired-looking…and completely drenched. Water poured down from her head to her feet, actively, as if someone was pouring an invisible bucket of water over top of her. It was all a very strange sight. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky. Not a chance of rain. As I observed this unusual scene, she reached into her car… and pulled out her umbrella to put over her.
Protection
This woman, who couldn’t get any more soaked than she currently was, was putting up an umbrella to protect her from….what? There was no rain… and even if there was, she was already wet. There was no stopping what had already happened. If anything, the umbrella prevented her from utilizing the sun to dry out with, and warm up by. Her “protection” was only prolonging the problems she was experiencing.
And then, I woke up.
That dream stayed with me for a long time after that. It’s something I reflect on still. Am I keeping myself in my own shade? Am I standing in my own way? Am I failing to look around me, and notice all the blessings…or am I only being observant of my burdens?
We all have our broken cycles. Stopping them requires first, to notice that we have them at all. This is a huge step in healing. What is it that is keeping us broken? What do we need to be mindful of to stop cycling through those habits and hang-ups?
Second step, to begin the process of fixing them. This step is one we repeat every day for the rest of our lives. Often, those cycles are ingrained and specially tailored to our weaknesses. They are something to stay stuck underneath forever, unless we actively do something about it.
For me, the umbrella image was a direct visual of all the broken cycles I keep myself in. All the ways I keep myself standing in the shadows, instead of stepping out into the light. All the ways I try to protect myself, by ineffective and counterproductive means. The umbrella dream was a wake-up call. It was my unconscious mind… my higher self… the universe… God… giving me a gentle nudge in a way I would remember. In a way that I could never forget.
And I haven’t. I remember the umbrella girl… and to try my best not to be her.
