Quarantine Quests: Social Distancing and Solo Parenting

I’ve been a parent since I was barely old enough to vote. I came out of my teenage years and right into adulthood…and what it means to care for another life. It was a crash course into being responsible and deliberate and self-sacrificing- and all of those learning experiences still continue today. There are no official instruction manuals for how to be a good parent and raise good people. There’s only the process of growing into our roles and changing as necessary….and it’s always necessary.

The roles we play as parents are determined by a very important factor; if we are partnered with another on the journey or if we are facing this responsibility alone. For me, a good portion of my parenting journey has been solo. And when you go at it alone, every role is yours to play . Mom, Dad, disciplinarian, nurturer, teacher, chef, maid, breadwinner, cheerleader…there isn’t another person to take on that role, in your home. You must find  ways to make it work, or risk failing your child in one or more areas of their development.

I am fortunate to have a great support system. My parents have reinforced my efforts to provide proper nurturing and structure for my children.  My co-parenting situation has remained cordial and productive, despite difficulties I may share with the other parent at times. I have great friends who offer love,  guidance, and fellowship. I am blessed to have so much love and support around me, which has allowed me to be the person and parent I am today.  

But even with the wonderful supports I have, solo-parenting is still a struggle. There is so much pressure to provide for the little people depending on you, so much guilt when you fall short,  And tremendous struggles, especially when faced with an emergency situation…like a pandemic.

When our current health crisis began back in March it started with me home, quarantined with my sick youngest child and my uninfected teenage daughter. I was doing my best to tend and care and clean and cook… all while attempting to maintain my sanity as scary and uncertain got scarier and more uncertain. As my son’s fever rose, so did my anxiety.

Luckily my son had Flu B and not COVID-19. No one else in the house got sick. Fortunate too was the fact we were able to shelter at home comfortably because I had enough supplies to keep us in essentials. But even with those essentials present, I found myself stretched and stressed. Mental and emotional strains were another burden to bear,  as it is for so many single parents. When you’re alone there is no one in real-time to share those struggles with.

It's another facet of solo parenting brought to light by this pandemic, and something a great many are dealing with at present. A quarter of all children in the United States are being raised in single-parent households.  Lives that were already difficult have begun to feel impossible.  Jobs and incomes have been disrupted. School has been canceled for the year. Parents have no childcare options and are expected to bridge the gap in their child’s education. Parents are to pay bills and provide all needs for their children in new and challenging ways. It’s a tall order for a two-parent household to meet….nearly impossible for the single parent.

There are a lot of uncertainties in the present. We don’t know how long things will be this way. We don’t know how this crisis will change our country, states, or even our communities. But within the chaos of what we don’t know comes the opportunity to create something new.

Single parenting is socially isolating enough without support. The quarantine highlighted a serious need I had within my life. Managing a crisis with my children alone became multiple crises to navigate. And struggles I had prior to quarantine became more amplified.

I needed help…a community to navigate the uncertainty with.

And that’s where the start of creating something new began for me and my family.

Love and Light,