Seasons of Renewal
“Renewal (noun):
1. an instance of resuming an activity or state after an interruption.
2. the replacing or repair of something that is worn out, run-down, or broken
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The hard season of winter is behind us. But it doesn’t mean that it didn’t leave its mark. Did the cold become too much at certain points? Did it seem like it would never end? My hard times and hurting heart seem to stick around longer than I want. And I’ve come to realize that’s partly my own fault. I have a hard time not stagnating in my winter … choosing to wander the cold wilderness for what feels like an eternity, instead of seeking the warmth and shelter I know to go towards. It can be disheartening to feel like I’m making progress, and then for one reason or another, find all that progress (seemingly) undone. And it’s this uncomfortable spot I continue to come back to.
Hard frosts and weather can strike, just as we start to get comfortable that things are changing for the better. Those first green shoots of hope busting through the hard ground of my former winter are vulnerable. They’re fragile. They clawed up through those hard spots and are trying to find their place. And just as I see them starting to come to life and take root, something threatens their very existence. It seems like the coldest winters come before a great shifting into the next season of our lives. It feels like the struggles of it will never end while you’re lost in it. But then it ends… and it’s like a glorious ray of sunshine through the gray.
For me the winter ends when I have some kind of epiphany. I see some purpose. I grow hope for something better that is waiting past the hardness of this life. It’s a glimmer of optimism in a world full of guilts and doubt. And those shifts are empowering. I can believe in myself enough to see the potential of abundance. It’s at the start of those seeds popping up out the hard ground I believe spring is here to stay. All the old pains are in the past. And this is the future.
But then just as these feelings start to become my new norm, something happens that makes me feel like I’ve been totally derailed. Again.
And it’s this endless struggle that reminds me of my garden in early spring.
Time and again there comes the things that look to mow down those budding hopes. It might be the frost of bitterness when things didn’t turn out like planned. That cold burn can cover the delicate hopes with sad anger, shriveling it down to its root. The frost might also be the ghosts of winter’s past, reminding me of the ways I keep failing and how I’ll never be good enough. Doubt leaves a thick coating of cold over all that growth I thought I was making. And I become once again discouraged, forgetting the epiphanies that had been a source of comfort prior.
And then, if the frost didn’t get it all, there comes the hail storms and winds of life...knocking down the little progress I’ve managed with their unforgiving natures. Unforeseen circumstances and events that challenge my fragile, budding growth. I didn’t ask for these events. But I’m still set to face them, like it or not.
Life can be hard, right?
Truth is, it may be unfortunate circumstances or our own shortcomings that find our progress undone. We make plans. We believe we are making gains in areas of our former lives. But then we are humbled. What to do in this uncomfortable space?
Do we sink to our knees and mourn? Do we curse the heavens and condemn all future efforts to be futile? Do we take a breath, and start again, knowing that we will be continually faced with unknown struggles?
Spring is a beautiful season. It is full of all the hopes for the year and the abundance that may be. But it’s also a time to reflect on the seasons before and how those hopes were undone, and how plans did not go accordingly. Each spring we are tasked to be reminded of our flexibility and faith. We are to remember what worked, and what didn’t. Gardens do not automatically succeed. They do not come into being without struggle. We do not either.
If you find yourself in this space, as I so often have, I hope you’ll remember the lesson of the garden and how it pushes past it’s struggling to fulfill its purpose. We all must grow stronger in our purpose. We grow stronger in our fight to live…really live. To be made stronger by those trials, and not weaker for them. We turn our suffering into better self-understanding. And we have faith and flexibility when those new skills and knowings are challenged.
While our hard times are valid, we must take the lessons of those hard times and remember to use them. Remember to be like the buds of early spring. Be resilient friends, and never quit. The world needs us to keep growing, and to bless each other with the fruit of that growth.
